Some Sunday Musings: The Absurdic Beast

I have, in the absence of AA to bait (as she seems to have gone off the radar somewhat), been entertaining myself with a little personal edumakayshun.

I decided today’s attempts to enrich my understanding of the human race would involve:

a) Understanding a little more about the tone of voice I have been using with Absurdia for oh-so-long. 

b) Understanding the effects of b1) hatred and b2) illegal hard drugs on the human brain.

This was a somewhat random decision - selected from the long list of "Things I want to understand about why dumbarses are dumbarses and what makes some of them more idiotic than most"

It is evident when reading Absurdia that there is something missing. Initially I thought she was just playing back and making funnies. I was even a little delighted that there seemed to be a smarty out there who could do this. Gradually it became apparent, though, that the poor creature is a dullard with delusions of smarts. And suffering what I will call, for the purpose of this blog, a monster Superman complex. Or God-complex. Or just plain old Idiotude.

Dear dumbarse Absurdia, in one of her latest little posts (not so subtly disguised as Anonymous) did what idiots with psychoses do – attempted to pass the blame for her iniquities back onto little old me. In psycho-babbly this is known as transference. Predictable, too – so not alarming or surprising. It’s a tactic she has used time and time again: YOU made me say I am going to kill so-an-so….because….umm….because you are such a nasty hater cos you don’t approve of / agree with me. It’s all your fault. I am blameless. For example.

Anyway, not to stress too fine a point on it – it’s just not possible for one such as she to acknowledge any culpability.

I digress.

I thought to share some of my Sunday musing stuff with my audience: Language. The use of.

I have been employing a satirical tone in my correspondence with the idiot. Also irony. And sometimes just plain old aggravating nonsense. There are several forms of satire and irony – most of which were brought out at one point or another in the many months of….uh, discourse.

Naturally, Absurdia took all my pretty words as sign of me being dumb. She told me this so often it began to run like an old and very scratched 45. I saw little point in doing anything except agree with her. Why?

It suited my purpose. That's all.

Let me elucidate: see, there is this thing called Socratic Irony. It’s a simple tool used to simply describe that you're a jerk who ultimately wants to call someone out on their lack of knowledge (Which I'm so doing with this blog). Socratic irony means that you engage someone pretending you have little knowledge, when you actually know more than the person you're asking.

I put that as simply as I could because I have to take into consideration the idiotude of Absurdia who is definitely having a good old read of this blog whenever she can. Just as she has been, obsessively  for some months now. So obsessively, in fact, that it began to read like a reverse Hansel and Gretel thing. Talk about idiotude.

Also, daft old me, I have made use of another useful language tool: Situational Irony.

Ah! The most hilarious, misunderstood and, potentially, arguable type of irony. Situational irony can be described as when something happens that is contrary or incongruent to what someone expected to happen. This is often confused with a coincidence or an obvious chain of events. Here are some examples of each.

"Guess what, this person next to me bought the same dressI did. How ironic." 

No, it's not. It is a coincidence.

"My ex boyfriend was a real arsehole, turns out he was on cocaine. How ironic." 

Again, fuck no, it isn't. This is just an obvious outcome of an obvious cause. 

"I just found a fire water hydrant that shoots fire. How ironic." 

Well done, leper. Nobody would have expected this to happen, so indeed - it is ironic.

Situational irony is commonly mistaken for bad karma. For example, you're at a picnic in the country side. You spot a fine piece of fellow and decide to try to hit on him. Unbeknownst to you, he's in the Chinese mafia and 27 ninjas leap out from behind a bush and ninja star the crap out of you before you can say "Nice pecs."

It's unlucky, yes. Bad karma? You could argue that. But what it really is, is ironic because you couldn't have seen it coming and it makes no goddamn sense.  At a picnic in the country, for the love of God?

One could apply this to Absurdia – but only because she was suffering too big a Superman complex and so couldn’t have seen it coming….blah blah.

So when it did? Does she protest? Hell, yes. Does she miss the irony of the situation? Fuck yeah! Does she try as hard as…..well, just hard – to exculpate herself? Damn straight she does.

Let me explain why.

In the movie Pulp Fiction there is a scene that explains almost every ghastly, horrible thing happening in the world on the news. It's not the part where Ving Rhames shoots that guy's pecker off. It's the scene where the hit man (played by John Travolta) talks about how somebody went postal on his car, and then says:

"Boy, I wish I could've caught him doing it. I'd have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. 

It'd been worth him doing it, just so I could've caught him doing it."

That last sentence says everything everyone should understand about mankind.

The statement is totally illogical - revenge is supposed to be about righting a wrong. But this character WANTS to be wronged, specifically so he'll have an excuse to get revenge.

We all do. It's in our genes. It’s fight or flight. It’s primitive. And once you come to terms with that, a whole lot of ugly things about the world start making sense. And you can then attempt to facilitate the bigger part of your brain, the part that separates you from the limbic, atavistic responses of animals – and be more, well….more human. That’s what being human is all about. Innit?

This, however, is not something that a person like Absurdia has the capacity to grasp. She is dumb. Seriously dumb.

And so dangerously not normal.

Here’s why – and, please ,indulge me. Even if it doesn’t apply to you – or to you, or even you – I need you to relax and work with me on this. All will become clear. It’s so you can understand the nature of the “Absurdic Beast”.

Think about the worst argument or fight you were ever in.

Now think about the last time you snorted cocaine.
 (Yes, yes, I know. Maybe you don’t. Just get with this programme for a minute so I can show you what I mean. Assume, please, for sake of this exposition, that Absurdia is a coke-head, ok. Just assume it. Add it to the mix of other more glaringly obvious quirks of her untidy little mind.)

Ok, so think about the worst fight. Think about the last blow of snow.

Ever notice how similar the rush was in both instances?
(Maybe you couldn't tell, if  you were busy experiencing both of these on the same night at the same time. 

In which case, you would have the huge potential of being a real arsehole).

See, it's basic biology, ok.

As a simplification in explanation:  An experiment was conducted where scientists found that angry use of expletive actually soothes physical pain. It doesn't mean that someday they'll prep you for surgery by injecting you with motherfuckers and buggerbollockstitsbum; it simply means that when we get really angry, our body releases the painkiller hormone norepinephrine.

Bear with me, it will make perfect sense - the emotions we call "anger" and "hate" are a part of our evolutionary fighting instinct, preparing us for the battle. This norepinephrine pumps us full of “anesthetic” to block the potential of pain and at the same time, our amazing selves release the pleasure chemical dopamine to settle us, ease our fears about fighting the lion / tribesman / whacked out idiot who is threatening us.

And incidentally, these are the exact same two chemicals that are released when you snort cocaine.

Quite simply, hate gets you high.

Now imagine throwing something like cocaine, the Superman complex drug of note, into the mix. What you get is a beast that thinks it is superman. High on hate and possibly even drugs this beast dons the underpants of immorality and  flies in the face of what is decent.

You get something approximating Absurdia.

And, even assuming Absurdia does not have a nasty little case of snow-nose, she patently does have a terminal case of hate going on.

This should help everyone understand why she is such a vicious person. She is a hateful, hate-filled hater.

With knobs on!

Here endeth the Sunday lesson: tune in again next time to get a little more insight into the “Absurdic Beast”