I have been wondering...

...how long it would take you - or one of your minions to give you the comment - to sit up on your back legs and remark on my last post...or for you to creatively allow for yourself an in from which to cast all manner of aspersion in the next few weeks. (as ever, you are pleasingly predictable.)

Funny thing, Absurdia? My "popularity" has increased exponentially since this little contretemp with you..surpassed only by the quality of the company I keep. No longer having to deal with the revolting few - those uncouth, ill-bred, bottle throwing, face punching, swearing, drunken, fall-downs is such a relief. Really. It is.

And even more amusing is a rather racy little story I have to tell about a foreign fellow who hangs about with one of the above mentioned riff-raff...

...but that's for next time.

How I feel about being a pariah.....

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

You ask so sweetly it obliges me to answer.

Do I feel like a pariah in this town?

Nope. 

I know you won't want to believe this - and that doesn't matter to me, really - BUT...

... the ONLY people treating me as such are those with whom I would far rather not have to socialise, anyway. And it is a VERY, VERY small group - those who lack social filters and graces, punch people, belt them about the head with their fists and bottles, have brain waves which fall a little short of the beach and drink themselves into "ugly stupid" - repeatedly and hilariously. 

Do I give a remote rat's arse about this kind of person considering me a pariah?

Not on your nelly. In truth? I am grateful. Social mores require  I try to mingle and play nice with all sorts...and I do make the effort. I really do.

Now? I thank the god of social castes that the "great unwashed" don't want to gravitate in my general direction.

SUCH a relief.

By the way, Absurdia?

Whatever is eating at you - must be suffering horribly.

isn't the www an amazing thing?

Bluewin (109.164.246.172) [Label IP Address]    1 returning visit
Switzerland
		cloud.feedly.com/
16 Sep	16:35:17	tiababy-kerry-lyn.blogspot.ch/2013/09/please-please-please.html

please please please...

YAAAAAAWWWWWWWN

Thanks, Absurdia - so desperate are you for some sensible comment on your bloody awful blog that you visit mine and then use that style for which you are fast becoming infamous....

CUT'NPASTE

you take MY blog and post it as comments on YOUR blog....

Commenting on your blog? - been there, done that. 

Now I chose to work differently...

And YOU play right into it - every time a coconut.

EVERYthing comes out in the end...believe me.

See you in court, trollface.

You have the potential, Absurdia, to be more…you just need help. Seriously.

So. I took almost four months off – a sabbatical of sorts. One grows weary of the same old same old same old…

I start reading Absurdia’s rants again. What do I find? More of the same old same old same old…

The Urban Dictionary proves most useful when trying to put a finger on the style employed by this idiot:

1. Boringator: Someone who is a boring bastard! Concoction of the word came from the film ‘The Terminator”…Terminate + or=…You see where I am going with this…?

2. Boringly: The act of something being done in a boring way.

3. Boring: Not amusing; agonizingly dull…

4. Unimaginative / Predictable: lacking in original thought; uncreative. 

Sometimes a result of pent up sexual frustration after months of inactivity.

Which, given the state of mind of AA, is PREDICTABLE. Because someone so wrapped up in self can only be a horrid and BORING lay.

Every time I read another of Absurd Arusha’s posts I hope it has turned into “good reading” show.

Sadly, it does not.

It’s ALWAYS more of the same old same old same old…

It’s ALWAYS like some vast exercise in some weird CUT ‘N PASTE style of blogging. With only the odd name, face or place changed periodically.

The plot is ALWAYS the same. Porn.  More porn. Change some names. More porn. Stick a new face on more porn. Say something about someone being gay. More porn. Change a place. Stick with porn. Or someone being gay. Oh! Add more porn. And being gay….

God!

If ever there was a BORINGATOR it’s Absurdia.

But, as ever, I am here to assist.

I have expended a great dealof energy before trying to help this idiot make sure she writes solid blog posts. It hasn't helped. Evidently. She persists. * see above…

So, here is my next best effort at helping the poor, sad fool: Let’s consider all of this nutter’s rants and make them into a Sitcom scenario…

The first episode of the first season had potential. Exceeding small, admittedly, but there.

Since then it's gone down a very steep hill.

I witness a myriad of problems, but I think they all come back to the writing. 

This is a poorly written blog / show, with predictable plots, contrived (and predictable) rants, and obnoxious assertions. There are a few, VERY few, shining moments. So few, in fact, that I am hard-pressed to count them on the hand of a complete finger-amputee.

And I want this "Absurdic show" to be good. I really do. This is the golden age of blogging.   There is so much brilliant stuff to read on the WWW. And yup, I want a "cool" ABSURDIA BLOG / show too. But this is just so NOT a cool blog / show. This is a mess.

And I'm not saying it needs to follow Mein Kampf or the comics, which are also meandering and plagued by long stretches of boring. It just needs some good writing so that I don't find myself exasperated by the boring-ness of it all... 

I don't know how much of the blog in question has been….ummm….pre-conceived and will continue to suffer from predictability.  But as an avid blog reader I do have some suggestions on how to make Absurdia’s blog / show more engaging.

Stop with all the monologues

At least 4 million times per blog, everything grinds to a halt so Absurdia can tell her version of a story, or relay some information, or give an impassioned rant. 

I get that an idiot like AA sees her blog as some kind of apocalypse, but there needs to be less repetition of the same old same old same old...  - with that CUT’N PASTE style of providing information used less exhaustively.. 

Hire a Psychiatrist to assist with your plot

You are, my dear, a caricature. 

You have made yourself into someone who can be depended upon to:  rant all the time ( not for any real reason, but so there can be tension in lieu of “character” development), employ your own odd brand of CUT “N PASTE,  use the same tired old lines – all of which do little else but show your burgeoning psychoses.

You need help. And not just from me as your writer mentor. From a doctor. In a white coat. Who can help you with drugs other than those of your own ministration. And, one can only hope, somehow …somehow bring you into a more plausible and rational frame of mind so that what you blog is not so interminably PREDICTABLE.

Give CUT ‘N PASTE a break

I know I addressed this problem already, but this really deserves special mention: You are reprehensible. Your “plot” is reprehensible. Everything you say is reprehensible. It's ALWAYS the same old same old same old SAME. 

YOU may well have some hair up your arse about the world at large – whilst you yourself are some lovely, perfectly formed crusader – but , Lord, are you predictable!

And that is BORING.

You  babble on about  how much you hate …you are angry at …he’s gay…she’s lesbian….add some more porn. USE CUT ‘N PASTE. More porn…..more hate…. CHRIST! Unless the goal of your blog character is to, in fact, show your irrationality and morbid fixation with things sexual, please give the same old same old same old CUT ‘N BLOODY PASTE pattern of comment a break. For once.

Give your PROTAGONISTS something to do other than be black

In other words – who died and made you the MESSIAH FOR AFRICANS?

All your African characters are either a) standing in the background and not speaking for themselves or b) shut down with your PREDICTABLE sodding "Cut ‘n paste some more porn / gay / lesbian and so on"...  ad nausem attacks when they DO use their own voices and contradict you.

Sad, Absurdia. Very, very sad.

Address your blog’s massive logical fault

(This one comes with a SPOILER ALERT).

 I refuse to believe that not a single person with an opinion differing from yours,(save for the SOLITARY glowing blog post you wrote on an individual who-shall-nameless-but-everyone-knows-who-anyway), deserves some sort of positive comment.  You treat people / comments as if they are all complete arseholes. Especially if they contradict you.

I call bullshit on that. That's weak. And it doesn't make a great deal of sense.

It may be that there is a very good, logical explanation for all of this.

 We need to hear it. Because otherwise YOU, Absurdia, are showing contempt (and massive lack of logic) for everyone and everything, save yourself,  by pole-vaulting logic in favour of an emotional payoff.  

Mind you, that contempt you show might well be all you are about...refer back to the point re: Psychiatrist.

Stop making your characters do stupid, illogical things in every blog

The whole thing is pretty funny.

When one separates your blogs from what is acceptable and rational behaviour as a whole, one does begin to see just how funny you are.

Sadly funny. But amusing, nevertheless. You stand as “The World's worst example of problem solving”, ever.

Every single blog (save one) you write robs the moment of any tension.Because each and every one is the SAME. 

And really? The only way your writing could be worse is if all your “characters” stood in a circle hitting each other with bricks. When you put other people in a completely illogical situation to give the illusion that something, in your bizarre and warped perception, is happening - that's lazy writing.   

Shame on you. When you have the potential to be so much more...

Which brings me to another Urban Dictionary definition of what the net result of your response to this blog will be:

1. Pedantic: The nitpickery… that drives the... insane...often mistaken as a tool to impress others when in fact it is annoying

As in: I love it when you dominate our conversations through critiquing my word usage and completely avoiding the central arguments, you pedantic fuck.

Here endeth today’s lesson – please do stand by for more exercises on how not to be so bloody boring. You have the potential, Absurdia, to be more…you just need help. Seriously.

Frequent "Flyer" Notice...

Seriously, folks?

I ought to run some sort of Frequent "flyer" voucher system for my Cybernet Wireless and Habari visitors (specifically) - like Win A Free ISP Routing Identity System. Or something.

Actually. You already have that.

A free ISP routing identity system. In that I can "see" you when you visit. Cool. huh?

Will have to think of something else to provide you with 'cos you visit my site so often. Give me a moment here...

Ok.

Here you go: You can win a Free Join-The-Dots Information system.

Wait! You have THAT from me already. Stymied....

hmmmmmm.

Here's an interesting tidbit of information (whilst I think of a "reward")

Cocaine is frequently laced with another drug that's commonly used to deworm opossums. Levamisole, a veterinary drug, is linked to serious weakening of the immune system in humans. Here's the real funny part: no one knows why.

I'm now bored. So the Reward for Visiting So Often will have to wait. But panic not...I have your location... so will drop it off when it occurs to me.

And so...

How's this for REALLY cool?

Have just had a visit to my blog from an Arushan based ISP for Cybernet Wirelessisp....

...and it tracks all the way to CAPE TOWN. Right to the very same location from which, previously, an SA Vodacom ISP downloaded the image of me at 28.

see.... proof of the routing....

I tell you what....technology? It's quite astounding, really.

Fascinating world...

Now why on earth (with some small pun intended here) would someone - using a Tanzanian AIRTEL sim card that routed internationally all the way to Malaysia want to download the picture of me when I was 28?

Evidently this is a person who was / has been in Tanzania (hence the Airtel sim) using it to access my blog "anonymously"....most fascinating.

Thanks, anyway - do enjoy!

p.s.I had tummy muscles back then to make SOME 28 year- olds horribly envious!

(oh and I was about 5 months pregnant at the time too...)

EXCLUSIVE: damning new evidence on the possible identity of the Acerbic Arushan....

I’ve just cracked yet another lead as to the possible identity of Absurdia and all she can do is resort to her usual nutty albeit entertaining responses.

You ARE very amusing, Absurdia – even when writing anonymously. (Amusing in that sick way, you know - when someone can't help but stare and then laugh at a specimen.....)

You are also completely delusional – part of your malignant narcissistic personality disorder, I would say: but do carry on.

Now you want to say that you have seen my “new book” and its all about small town Arusha and me being targeted by a complete idiot?

In your first assertion – which is where your error lay – you gave yourself away when you said it was about a sex-starved me. Not entirely the gist of the book – but close enough for me to understand that YOU HAVE had information about it from someone…

You need to get your stories straight – Cardinal Rule 1 of being a good liar, Absurdia, is making sure you stick to the story. Trying to wriggle out of things just doesn’t work.

Really? It doesn’t matter what you think.

Bottom line here?

a)     It’s a standard response from you.

b)    …the point being: TWO people have seen the original manuscript. ONLY TWO.

c)     Both have actually chatted with one another about it  (see you are not the only one who is investigative.)

d)    ONE of them, when recently asked to return the manuscript to me having had it for over a year –  (asked, in fact, after you broke the news about the manuscript on your blog) admitted, somewhat tearfully, that she had spoken about it with someone linked to and questioned by the police in this whole investigation into the identity of Acerbic Arushan.

e)     THIS linked someone is NOT a friend of mine – because of the entire AA crapola (let me be absolutely correct here: is NO LONGER a friend as a result of this) (OH, and someone else – what a lovely place a small town is – taped a conversation on their cellphone in which one can clearly hear this no-longer friend",( let's call her Moose for the purpose of this discussion)  state she is going to slash my face open and so on and so forth….charming friends you have. And nice to have such a conversation on record. The police are very interested in it…)

f)     It  doesn’t matter which ONE it was or even BOTH: the point, stupid, is that this manuscript is the source and the trail from it and those who had access to it narrows down the entire process of tagging YOU as Acerbic Arushan out of a possible myriad of other people.

Carry on, though – please. Your delusional self-adoration and the absolute nonsense you write is laughable – and increasingly “leading”.

Joining the dots – all of them plus this latest…it’s never been easier.

And YOU did that all by your little malignant self. BRAVA!

Post to ACERBIC ARUSHAN: joining the dots

Having posted this on Absurdia's blog, I am now posting it here as well....FOR THE RECORD

& for the information of those wondering about my persistence in asking Absurdia t go into more detail about the book she mentioned I had written.

I'll leave YOU all to join the dots yourselves....


Absurdia - I am breaking "my silence" on THIS blog for one single reason: you wrote in your blog about me that I "have written a whole book..."

I want you to know that you have made a cardinal error in mentioning this.

There are only TWO people who know about this book/ manuscript and who have seen it.

NOT ONE other person has ever seen this book or has any idea what it may be about - NO ONE else even knows I have "written a whole book"...unless one of the two has been chatting about it...one I trust, the other admits discussing it with someone you may  know...

Now one just has to join the dots...

Very stupid of you to have made mention of my  "whole book", Absurdia - incredibly stupid.

Quantum questioning....

what do Buchinghamshire New University and this blog have in common?

Hello Habari

.... routed all the way from London, visiting just after 2pm my local time.

Incredible thing this internet.

really it is.

Now tell me all about my book, Absurdia.

SERIOUSLY Stupid...

Absurdia knows she has made a HUGE FAUX PAS......

Tell me ALL about my book, Absurdia.

Go on.

Am curious to see just how she is going to wiggle her way out of it.

Oh. About that book?

Want to know something VERRRRRRY interesting?

......about my book?

The book to which Absurdia refers in her latest blog post?

well..............................................see.

It's like this..............................................................................................................

..............Dames en Here, ons vra verskooning vir die koort onderbreeking....

oops! 

too much static coming through 

to complete this announcement at this time

OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

 I have a  (not-so) "secret admirer" who is currently in the Western Cape - Cape Town, South Africa to be precise - who was so moved by my photograph of me at 28 (see previous post on this blog) that he downloaded it on Saturday morning at about 9:35am SA time.

So - dear visitor to CT, SA - thanks for your visit to my blog! I sincerely hope you have had a wonderful holiday in Cape Town: it is quite the most spectacular city. I also hope you enjoy my picture - if little else is proved, it does prove, at least, that I was once young and not as ginormous as I am now.

At long last!...A True Critic.

Absurdia observes in her latest blog post:

"Kerry wrote a whole book all about how she feels sad cos she's not getting fucked as often as she'd like.

Kerry dear, by the time I get finished with you you'll think you've been fucked by a train."

I am not so much impressed nor concerned by her second line. It's that one about my book that I need assistance with.

Ever astute, profoundly possessed with smarts and the font of all things right, true and talented, Absurdia once offered a critique on my published poetry anthology - and dismissed it, in short, as utter bollocks.

I would be most interested in hearing some more astute comment from you, Absurdia - tell me a bit more about my book and where I went wrong with it, would you, oh exalted critic.

What exactly is wrong with my plot? Is it my protagonist - how could I improve upon this character? Perhaps it is the title?

Which part of the work really didn't work for you? 

I do mean REALLY DIDN'T work - there must have been some part of the book that was truly out of kilter - elucidate upon that, pretty please.

Perhaps your advice on this will help me to better appreciate the value of the not-so-subtly-implied threat of your second line as shown above.

It's really hard finding truly talented comment - people can be such sycophants, you know.

Possessed as I am of a nasty suspicious mind I might think you base your opinions upon a sort of "professional" envy...

But in you I may have found - at last, a true critic.

Trying to help Absurdia with some answers to her question: Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

In her recent new post Absurdia poses the question:

Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

(and yes, I have, for the sake of summary in this, doctored Absurdia's original posting a little - the gist remains.)

I have spent time considering this poser. In about 3 seconds I had the answer to the middle two words - "ugly" and "old".

It's a no-brainer, Absurdia - and therefore quite a stupid question, really.

I am old. Years pass. They really do. Bugger all stops that passage. I am just about to be 50 - and, believe me, I really can't help this fact. Qu'elle horreur, but it will happen to you, too.

Ugly? Well, there too, Absurdia - it's not my fault. Really, it isn't.

I would once have given much to have been born beautiful - perhaps to have looked as lovely as Cindy or Liv or any of those lovelies - but I long ago conceded that being born looking the way one does is an accident of genetics and one can hardly hold oneself culpable for the misfortunes of one's face and should just try to live with the face one is given.

( I do admire your  physiog'nomical talents, by the way. Amazing how you can read all about a person's background so accurately from their face - remarkable. Without any research at all into my background / breeding, you assess me as cheap white South African trash from observing my face. Shot, bru!) 

Ergo. Your question there, with regard old and ugly have been answered. (and cheap and trashy and white and South African. You're a smart one, no doubt about it) ( you were remiss in mentioning my stupidity this time - maybe give it a go in your next blog post about me, ok)

Allow me to address some further points raised: you refer to me as a "monstrous freak show" - and cite my gaudy and tasteless accessories / bad skin /hair / make up / tattoos" in support. There goes your insufferable child attitude again.

Evidently your mommy encouraged you to always say what you were thinking about people and therefore was horribly remiss in coaching you in social nicety. But some parents do think they are doing their kids a favour when they allow them to act in socially unacceptable ways or help them to escape taking any responsibility or being nasty / rude / illegal / whatever. I understand. It's those parent's way of saying I Love You - they can't do it in any other way. Such a shame, but there we go.

I cannot claim to be a fashionista - it just would be such a lie if I said I had any taste at all. My skin - it's there with being OLD and GENETICALLY inclined to whatever I look like in that department.

Ditto my hair - I keep asking my daughters to marry a hair dresser so I can get something done about my hair cos I can't claim to have hairdressers amongst my friends and acquaintances. Not good ones, anyway.  Although I rather like the long, rat tail, dread lock look. It goes with the rest of my rather tasteless appearance very well, thank you very much.

Tatts? Yup. Loads of them. Tasteless, remember.

Make-up? If lipstick counts as such, then, yup, it's tasteless. (by the way, have you ever noticed yourself, how many different names / brands / hues of the colour red there are in lipsticks? It's quite astounding. I am trying to try them all out before I die, so cut me a little slack here, ok!)

That's those matters dealt with. Now on to the first word: fat.

Again, a no brainer, really. I am fat. As I mentioned once, this is something my 4 year old nephew remarked upon - but he was forgivable as he is a child and knows not the social niceties one ought to have acquired by YOUR age.

I can't dispute this fact - it moves around with me. I could thank you for, with all the ignorance of a child, pointing it out to me (yet again) - but you are not a child - and not ignorant. Therefore, it remains that you are stupid. (by definition of the words ignorant / stupid)

I could give way to a huge rationale for my enormousness - because, yes, once I was not.

(and I must apologise to sensitive viewers for the somewhat licentiousness of this photograph - it is the only remaining image I have of myself at the age - god forbid, I was young once - of 28)

(Yes, I am perfectly aware that this image may well feed Absurdia's assertion that I was a) a streetwalker b) a prostitute in a brothel / strip club -wish I had had the nous back then to have considered those occupations: I would have been rolling in money and never mind the sheets as shown above.)

Let me address these Absurdic Assertions - which she claims to have on strict authority  - in a nutshell, they equal libel and slander and are completely without any corroboration nor would there be any - ERGO: add libel and slander to your many transgressions illegal, sweetheart.

Tell me, Absurdia - 

do YOU have the same tummy muscles at YOUR age as I did back then? 

Hmmmmmm?

Ok.

So we have established that I was once a) YOUNG and b) NOT FAT.

(Ugly we have also addressed...)

One might well ask: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

It's a long story short in answer: LIFE.

It's that thing that happens when one has other plans. 

You know.

Where does this leave me then in trying to give Absurdia some answers to her (rhetorical) question:  AH! 

Why am I a cunt?

I believe the answer to this is a simple one: it's because this is a word you favour, Absurdia - and use frequently. You tend to use it against anyone who crosses you in any way at all.

And, yes, I have done that. Mea culpa. Maxima culpa.

I have crossed, contradicted, aggravated and tracked you (and continue to do so) therefore I am a cunt.

Case closed.

Do you have any other questions for me that require answers? I do aim to please.

Sort of.