Trying to help Absurdia with some answers to her question: Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

In her recent new post Absurdia poses the question:

Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

(and yes, I have, for the sake of summary in this, doctored Absurdia's original posting a little - the gist remains.)

I have spent time considering this poser. In about 3 seconds I had the answer to the middle two words - "ugly" and "old".

It's a no-brainer, Absurdia - and therefore quite a stupid question, really.

I am old. Years pass. They really do. Bugger all stops that passage. I am just about to be 50 - and, believe me, I really can't help this fact. Qu'elle horreur, but it will happen to you, too.

Ugly? Well, there too, Absurdia - it's not my fault. Really, it isn't.

I would once have given much to have been born beautiful - perhaps to have looked as lovely as Cindy or Liv or any of those lovelies - but I long ago conceded that being born looking the way one does is an accident of genetics and one can hardly hold oneself culpable for the misfortunes of one's face and should just try to live with the face one is given.

( I do admire your  physiog'nomical talents, by the way. Amazing how you can read all about a person's background so accurately from their face - remarkable. Without any research at all into my background / breeding, you assess me as cheap white South African trash from observing my face. Shot, bru!) 

Ergo. Your question there, with regard old and ugly have been answered. (and cheap and trashy and white and South African. You're a smart one, no doubt about it) ( you were remiss in mentioning my stupidity this time - maybe give it a go in your next blog post about me, ok)

Allow me to address some further points raised: you refer to me as a "monstrous freak show" - and cite my gaudy and tasteless accessories / bad skin /hair / make up / tattoos" in support. There goes your insufferable child attitude again.

Evidently your mommy encouraged you to always say what you were thinking about people and therefore was horribly remiss in coaching you in social nicety. But some parents do think they are doing their kids a favour when they allow them to act in socially unacceptable ways or help them to escape taking any responsibility or being nasty / rude / illegal / whatever. I understand. It's those parent's way of saying I Love You - they can't do it in any other way. Such a shame, but there we go.

I cannot claim to be a fashionista - it just would be such a lie if I said I had any taste at all. My skin - it's there with being OLD and GENETICALLY inclined to whatever I look like in that department.

Ditto my hair - I keep asking my daughters to marry a hair dresser so I can get something done about my hair cos I can't claim to have hairdressers amongst my friends and acquaintances. Not good ones, anyway.  Although I rather like the long, rat tail, dread lock look. It goes with the rest of my rather tasteless appearance very well, thank you very much.

Tatts? Yup. Loads of them. Tasteless, remember.

Make-up? If lipstick counts as such, then, yup, it's tasteless. (by the way, have you ever noticed yourself, how many different names / brands / hues of the colour red there are in lipsticks? It's quite astounding. I am trying to try them all out before I die, so cut me a little slack here, ok!)

That's those matters dealt with. Now on to the first word: fat.

Again, a no brainer, really. I am fat. As I mentioned once, this is something my 4 year old nephew remarked upon - but he was forgivable as he is a child and knows not the social niceties one ought to have acquired by YOUR age.

I can't dispute this fact - it moves around with me. I could thank you for, with all the ignorance of a child, pointing it out to me (yet again) - but you are not a child - and not ignorant. Therefore, it remains that you are stupid. (by definition of the words ignorant / stupid)

I could give way to a huge rationale for my enormousness - because, yes, once I was not.

(and I must apologise to sensitive viewers for the somewhat licentiousness of this photograph - it is the only remaining image I have of myself at the age - god forbid, I was young once - of 28)

(Yes, I am perfectly aware that this image may well feed Absurdia's assertion that I was a) a streetwalker b) a prostitute in a brothel / strip club -wish I had had the nous back then to have considered those occupations: I would have been rolling in money and never mind the sheets as shown above.)

Let me address these Absurdic Assertions - which she claims to have on strict authority  - in a nutshell, they equal libel and slander and are completely without any corroboration nor would there be any - ERGO: add libel and slander to your many transgressions illegal, sweetheart.

Tell me, Absurdia - 

do YOU have the same tummy muscles at YOUR age as I did back then? 

Hmmmmmm?

Ok.

So we have established that I was once a) YOUNG and b) NOT FAT.

(Ugly we have also addressed...)

One might well ask: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

It's a long story short in answer: LIFE.

It's that thing that happens when one has other plans. 

You know.

Where does this leave me then in trying to give Absurdia some answers to her (rhetorical) question:  AH! 

Why am I a cunt?

I believe the answer to this is a simple one: it's because this is a word you favour, Absurdia - and use frequently. You tend to use it against anyone who crosses you in any way at all.

And, yes, I have done that. Mea culpa. Maxima culpa.

I have crossed, contradicted, aggravated and tracked you (and continue to do so) therefore I am a cunt.

Case closed.

Do you have any other questions for me that require answers? I do aim to please.

Sort of.