Psychopathic Bullying 101 Part II: lessons from a Satirical South African for Acerbic Arushan

So sorry. Life has a way of getting in the way when you have other plans. You know.

No more messing about! Let’s get on with How To Be A Psychotic Bully: 101 Part II.

Acerbic, lick the end of your pencil, get your head down and learn.

Primary to being a successful PB (Master Class – Arsehole Category) is:

The Avoidance of Acceptance of Responsibility.

1. You MUST show evidence of your talents as a PB. This can be achieved by recidivist and childish behaviours and attitudes. Not to mention lavatory humour and the obvious need to say words like: cunt / cock  and talk about sex in as shocking a fashion as you possibly can. And as OFTEN as you can. (If anyone tells you this is childish, ignore them. YOU know better. Of course.)

2. To help you develop this take a turn around the back of any toilet where kids loiter and you will hear the same sort of language and attitudes being played out. Take notes. Use them often in your posts. Remember to add the BWAHAHAHAHAHA we talked about in a previous blog post to show you are only joking. (That no-one else finds you amusing is entirely their problem. You are not to concern yourself with social niceties and, god forbid, you must never relent. It is vital that you establish it firmly in the minds of Other People (OP) that you are a Master PB and will have none of their warped logic or objections. You are above reproach. Remember this.)

(* if you find yourself having a hard time remembering this, make sure you have at least 4 friends and at least one parent who will remember this for you. Make sure you use them to re-inforce this. Remember not to smile whilst they do. Not ever. You do not wish to blow your cover with your allies.)

(** this includes remembering not to smile when being questioned, say, - like during when you are meant to be discussing something that requires remorse. It is absolutely essential that you maintain full control of all your bodily reactions at all times. No matter how pressing the situation may be for you)

3. Remember, please, that a successful PB is someone who appears to be adult (on the outside) but is actually a (somewhat moronic) child on the inside. OP’s might be stupid enough to call you emotionally retarded or even to say you have the EQ equivalent to that of a five-year-old. Or less.  (You must ignore these observations at all costs. Steadfastly refuse to accept such allegations. How dare these idiots assume they know anything. About anything. At all. If they persist in this, call them names. Use your notes from your trip around the back of that lavatory. Repeat yourself. It proves they are wrong.)

(* as also previously mentioned, any logic which seems to escape any of these arguments doesn’t matter. Not to one such as you)

4. You will want to take full benefit of living in the adult world. This is ok. It means you can do all the things you think “adults” do. Travel the world. Meet interesting people. Take cocaine with them. It’s your life, n’est pas!

What you must NOT do, whilst taking advantage of the grown up world, is be willing to accept any of the responsibilities that go with enjoying the benefits of the adult world. Not EVER. In short, you are NEVER to tolerate any notion that you should be required to accept responsibility for your behaviour.

(* it helps if you have worked hard at the cultivation of friends and family who will assist with your quest to never be accountable for your actions. And being the clever PB you are already showing great prowess with, you will have made sure you have a good, strong camp of….ummmm, Acerbees, to coin a phrase. As you should. You are wonderful. Of course.)

When called to account for the way you have chosen to behave, you will instinctively exhibit the following behavioural responses, please:

           a) Denial: deny everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING!

Variations on denial might include Trivialization ("That I might have told a teensy weensy lie, once or twice, is so trivial it's not worth talking about...") or even the Fresh Start stance ("I don't know why you're so insistent that I am an addict. I only use drugs recreationally and anyway, I can stop any old time I want!)  (You need to not allow any of those OP idiots point out to you that there is no other way to use illegal drugs other than recreationally. This point made by any of them is to be ignored. It contains a logic that need not apply. The only logic is your logic. Do not forget this. Ever.)

It is imperative that you abdicate responsibility for any of your actions or words. 

How else are you to be recognised as a PB: Master Class (Arsehole Category)? A good way to do this is to work to divert / distract attention from yourself by using false conciliation. This is SUCH a valid tool. I can’t believe millions of people don’t use it and worse, I can’t believe that, for example, murderers are not allowed to use it as a line of defence:"Look I know I've just murdered 12 people but that's all in the past, we can't change the past, let's put it behind us, concentrate on the future so we can all get on with our lives"

b) Retaliation: you will always counterattack. Quickly and Seamlessly. 

Counterattack is most effective if used IMMEDIATELY following denial. Effective use of an aggressive counter-attack using counter-allegations / criticisms, based as much on the distortion of facts or pure and simple fabrication will really show how smart you are.

There are several key elements to this stage and you must use them to full effect: you must lie, use deception, hypocrisy, duplicity and blame.

Your real purpose here is to avoid having to answer any questions about your behaviours / attitudes and thus avoid coming even remotely close to accepting responsibility for your behaviour.

NOTA BENA: (better re-sharpen your pencil, Acerbic, this is absolutely essential to your development)

Both a) and b) are to be delivered with a masterful aggression. Use vicious falsehoods if necessary. This is to be understood by OP’s as you being assertive.

The fact there is no assertiveness (which is, after all, about recognising / respecting the rights of oneself AND others) at all is not something with which you must concern yourself. I know you know this. I just need to check that you do.

      c) You MUST feign victimhood: I cannot stress how important this is if you are to succeed as a PB and to move from strength to strength.

In the highly unlikely event of your brilliant use of denial and / or counter-attack being insufficient, feigning victimhood or persecution through the manipulating of other people through their emotions, especially guilt is remarkable in its ability to help you through.

You can and must, for example, burst into tears, which most people cannot handle and they will therefore start seeing your point immediately and will fall over themselves to support you.

Please remember not to smile whilst anyone is doing this. And definitely NOT whilst dribbling your tears. This is counter productive. Get a grip.

Any OP who DOES NOT fall for your tears is to be ignored. If this does not work, resort to your true-blue time tested use of threats to murder, maim or make pornographic images of…

You may also indulge in self-pity, be sure to feign indignation, pretend to be "devastated", claim YOU are the one being bullied  / harassed.

Also effective are claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama and a poor-me feigning of sadness. (NO SMILING!)  

By using these responses a successful PB will be able to avoid answering questions honestly, if at all. This will allow you to thus avoid accepting responsibility for anything you may have said or done. Afterall, this was a pattern of behaviour you would have learnt by about the age of 3; MOST kids learn or are taught to grow out of this, but some are not taught to be accountable so by adulthood, this effective avoidance technique has been practised to perfection. It helps considerably if you have parents who are committed to helping you escape accountability. Over and over and over and…

When I next have a spare moment to continue your edumakashun, Acerbic we will have a good look at Reflection, Projection and Validity of Testimony.

In the meantime I am sure you are working hard to practise all these vital attributes of a Psychopathic Bully.

P.S. You are, of course, quite right. I HAVE cut ‘n pasted. From my WORD DOC to MY BLOG. Don’t be an idiot – it’s so disappointing when you have been doing so well with proving what a very clever person you are. Don’t start stating truths now when you have been doing so unbelievable well with utter bullshit fabrications.

TSK!