Oh. About that book?

Want to know something VERRRRRRY interesting?

......about my book?

The book to which Absurdia refers in her latest blog post?

well..............................................see.

It's like this..............................................................................................................

..............Dames en Here, ons vra verskooning vir die koort onderbreeking....

oops! 

too much static coming through 

to complete this announcement at this time

OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

 I have a  (not-so) "secret admirer" who is currently in the Western Cape - Cape Town, South Africa to be precise - who was so moved by my photograph of me at 28 (see previous post on this blog) that he downloaded it on Saturday morning at about 9:35am SA time.

So - dear visitor to CT, SA - thanks for your visit to my blog! I sincerely hope you have had a wonderful holiday in Cape Town: it is quite the most spectacular city. I also hope you enjoy my picture - if little else is proved, it does prove, at least, that I was once young and not as ginormous as I am now.

At long last!...A True Critic.

Absurdia observes in her latest blog post:

"Kerry wrote a whole book all about how she feels sad cos she's not getting fucked as often as she'd like.

Kerry dear, by the time I get finished with you you'll think you've been fucked by a train."

I am not so much impressed nor concerned by her second line. It's that one about my book that I need assistance with.

Ever astute, profoundly possessed with smarts and the font of all things right, true and talented, Absurdia once offered a critique on my published poetry anthology - and dismissed it, in short, as utter bollocks.

I would be most interested in hearing some more astute comment from you, Absurdia - tell me a bit more about my book and where I went wrong with it, would you, oh exalted critic.

What exactly is wrong with my plot? Is it my protagonist - how could I improve upon this character? Perhaps it is the title?

Which part of the work really didn't work for you? 

I do mean REALLY DIDN'T work - there must have been some part of the book that was truly out of kilter - elucidate upon that, pretty please.

Perhaps your advice on this will help me to better appreciate the value of the not-so-subtly-implied threat of your second line as shown above.

It's really hard finding truly talented comment - people can be such sycophants, you know.

Possessed as I am of a nasty suspicious mind I might think you base your opinions upon a sort of "professional" envy...

But in you I may have found - at last, a true critic.

Trying to help Absurdia with some answers to her question: Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

In her recent new post Absurdia poses the question:

Why is Kerry-lyn Radloff such a fat ugly old cunt?

(and yes, I have, for the sake of summary in this, doctored Absurdia's original posting a little - the gist remains.)

I have spent time considering this poser. In about 3 seconds I had the answer to the middle two words - "ugly" and "old".

It's a no-brainer, Absurdia - and therefore quite a stupid question, really.

I am old. Years pass. They really do. Bugger all stops that passage. I am just about to be 50 - and, believe me, I really can't help this fact. Qu'elle horreur, but it will happen to you, too.

Ugly? Well, there too, Absurdia - it's not my fault. Really, it isn't.

I would once have given much to have been born beautiful - perhaps to have looked as lovely as Cindy or Liv or any of those lovelies - but I long ago conceded that being born looking the way one does is an accident of genetics and one can hardly hold oneself culpable for the misfortunes of one's face and should just try to live with the face one is given.

( I do admire your  physiog'nomical talents, by the way. Amazing how you can read all about a person's background so accurately from their face - remarkable. Without any research at all into my background / breeding, you assess me as cheap white South African trash from observing my face. Shot, bru!) 

Ergo. Your question there, with regard old and ugly have been answered. (and cheap and trashy and white and South African. You're a smart one, no doubt about it) ( you were remiss in mentioning my stupidity this time - maybe give it a go in your next blog post about me, ok)

Allow me to address some further points raised: you refer to me as a "monstrous freak show" - and cite my gaudy and tasteless accessories / bad skin /hair / make up / tattoos" in support. There goes your insufferable child attitude again.

Evidently your mommy encouraged you to always say what you were thinking about people and therefore was horribly remiss in coaching you in social nicety. But some parents do think they are doing their kids a favour when they allow them to act in socially unacceptable ways or help them to escape taking any responsibility or being nasty / rude / illegal / whatever. I understand. It's those parent's way of saying I Love You - they can't do it in any other way. Such a shame, but there we go.

I cannot claim to be a fashionista - it just would be such a lie if I said I had any taste at all. My skin - it's there with being OLD and GENETICALLY inclined to whatever I look like in that department.

Ditto my hair - I keep asking my daughters to marry a hair dresser so I can get something done about my hair cos I can't claim to have hairdressers amongst my friends and acquaintances. Not good ones, anyway.  Although I rather like the long, rat tail, dread lock look. It goes with the rest of my rather tasteless appearance very well, thank you very much.

Tatts? Yup. Loads of them. Tasteless, remember.

Make-up? If lipstick counts as such, then, yup, it's tasteless. (by the way, have you ever noticed yourself, how many different names / brands / hues of the colour red there are in lipsticks? It's quite astounding. I am trying to try them all out before I die, so cut me a little slack here, ok!)

That's those matters dealt with. Now on to the first word: fat.

Again, a no brainer, really. I am fat. As I mentioned once, this is something my 4 year old nephew remarked upon - but he was forgivable as he is a child and knows not the social niceties one ought to have acquired by YOUR age.

I can't dispute this fact - it moves around with me. I could thank you for, with all the ignorance of a child, pointing it out to me (yet again) - but you are not a child - and not ignorant. Therefore, it remains that you are stupid. (by definition of the words ignorant / stupid)

I could give way to a huge rationale for my enormousness - because, yes, once I was not.

(and I must apologise to sensitive viewers for the somewhat licentiousness of this photograph - it is the only remaining image I have of myself at the age - god forbid, I was young once - of 28)

(Yes, I am perfectly aware that this image may well feed Absurdia's assertion that I was a) a streetwalker b) a prostitute in a brothel / strip club -wish I had had the nous back then to have considered those occupations: I would have been rolling in money and never mind the sheets as shown above.)

Let me address these Absurdic Assertions - which she claims to have on strict authority  - in a nutshell, they equal libel and slander and are completely without any corroboration nor would there be any - ERGO: add libel and slander to your many transgressions illegal, sweetheart.

Tell me, Absurdia - 

do YOU have the same tummy muscles at YOUR age as I did back then? 

Hmmmmmm?

Ok.

So we have established that I was once a) YOUNG and b) NOT FAT.

(Ugly we have also addressed...)

One might well ask: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

It's a long story short in answer: LIFE.

It's that thing that happens when one has other plans. 

You know.

Where does this leave me then in trying to give Absurdia some answers to her (rhetorical) question:  AH! 

Why am I a cunt?

I believe the answer to this is a simple one: it's because this is a word you favour, Absurdia - and use frequently. You tend to use it against anyone who crosses you in any way at all.

And, yes, I have done that. Mea culpa. Maxima culpa.

I have crossed, contradicted, aggravated and tracked you (and continue to do so) therefore I am a cunt.

Case closed.

Do you have any other questions for me that require answers? I do aim to please.

Sort of.

Angry=Stupid

Well done, Absurdia

You found the one I left open for you...in more ways than one.

 I do it, in the main, to aggravate you. Simply because it amuses me to do so.

You get angry. And when you are angry you get stupid.

And your response?

Typical.

You talk about me "goading you" in your poorly disguised "anonymous" comment...

That's entirely your take on actions of any people who feel you need to stop your lunacy and the hateful violence you propagate on your blog.

It's typical of your nature that you respond to any kind of thwarting of your actions with threats.

And, predictably, with threats to create photo-shopped images of people in pornographic images.

You do it EVERY TIME.

You did it before with my children - when I would not do as you instructed me.

And, idiot that you are - just as you have done here - you stated you would do so if I did not comply.

 That makes YOU the sick and stupid fool.

Why on earth you think that posting such images, when you make it known you will do so

- over and over ad nauseum  -

 whenever anyone "gets in your way", is an "humiliation"to the person

 you happen to be targeting at any given time escapes me.

It also escapes the greater mind of people in general.

Only idiots and fools think that they have achieved in humiliating other people having stated, categorically,  their intention to do so through the perpetual means you employ

 - for which you have an unhealthy penchant, evidently.

The humiliation exists only in your own amoral and psychotic "reality"

In the main people roll their eyes whenever you "do it again" as you are threatening to do.

It grows tres dull, Absurdia, when a person is as predictable as you.

Humiliate away.

 I will keep posting my screen dumps of your ACTUAL intentions

 - so there can be no mistaking who the real idiot in this little game is.

You really are a pathetic thing, Absurdia.

Well....

...THAT was fun!